So I'm here in Nashville for maybe another year. The past year has been about surviving in the midst of grief (I lost my mom a year ago in September). It's been about Sci-Fi TV, including large giant doses of Joss Whedon. It's been about carbs and sweets. It's been about crying and anger and memories and confusion. It's been about long talks and silence and lack of silence and everything. The coming year is all about preparation. I plan to move on to the next chapter of life (wherever that may be) definitely by next fall if not next summer. So I have some time to correct, fix and improve certain aspects of myself and my situation so that I'm more able to take advantage of opportunities. Chance favors the prepared and all of that.
So dating is one of the areas I'm focusing on. Why am I dating when I plan to leave town? I am not looking for my life partner. But I don't want to spend the next year living like a spinster. I have always been self-conscious and ill at ease around guys, at least since I began to like them. And I never really learned how to date. I can flirt but only when I feel there is no way things can progress to actual dating. I didn't date in high school. I went out a couple times in college, but nothing really happened. In fact until I was deep into my thirties, the best way to NEVER SEE A GUY AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE was to make-out with him. Now that I think of it, the trend continues. There were a couple guys several years ago that I did kiss more than once and see after romantic occasions had occurred. But then circumstances progressed to the point that those people are no longer in my life. Obviously, I don't know what I'm doing. Although I have been told I am a good kisser. Who knows.
So anyway, back to present tense. I looked at my life a few weeks ago and realized there is no avenue to meet single men in my life except to go back online. I have done the online dating thing several times over my adult single life. It's all kind of been terrible. I've gotten some great stories out of it, but no relationships. Probably mostly I tend to go for free dating websites and as the saying goes, you get what you pay for. This time around has been no exception. I've been on two dates. Different lead-up, different types, same result.
But I'm committed to not freaking out about the very small pool of eligible men in Nashville and the even smaller subset of men that would actually be potential for actual romance of the butterflies and fireworks variety. I'm not going to get frustrated and decide I'd rather eat Nutella straight from the jar while wearing sweatpants and solving Swedish TV crimes on Netflix rather than stressing through sushi with someone who makes racist remarks and doesn't bother to tip.
Stories to come.
